Well, this is another mumbling about love. I would like to refer to this as being about give and take. Sometimes I have this feeling that I don’t receive love the same way I give it to others. Today is one of those days. Be it a friend around whom three years of my college revolved who at that time was going through, in her own words, the ‘worst’ phase of her life. College got over and all I’d got were memories of being with her all through it. I didn’t regret any of it. She got better, moved on in life and made new friends. I was happy for her. And I’d entered into a life with quirky friends I never got close with. There were none old ones I could go back to. Except her. She was busy.
I learnt how to struggle all alone. And I tell you now it was worth it. For it defines the person I’m today. And to those who are afraid to go through life alone, I tell you, you’ll be a better and stronger person.
In the meanwhile, I kept struggling with come to terms with love that was lost. And dreams to be fulfilled that I had nurtured since childhood.
I found my therapy in meditation and travel. It isn’t that I didn’t need people anymore. I just learnt how to let go. Yes, it is painful. It is meant to be so. But the longer you’ll hold on to, the more painful it will be to learn the lesson.
I found another friend after a while and rarely has it clicked so quickly. For the first time, I felt there was the kind of understanding that I’d always craved for. Difficult phases came and I stood by through the doctor’s appointments and the late night crying calls. Just when everything seemed to be fine, there appeared a chasm in that understanding. And it wasn’t the same now.
In the meanwhile, I found love again only to be told later that I’d been ignored and now I was loved back too. I still loved him. But love wanted promises. And it was fair. But I couldn’t. He later told me he would miss me more for I’d given him gifts and he’d none. I wanted to say that he may as well throw away the gifts but how would I throw off the memories when I would go to sleep every time. But I didn’t.
Life is too short. To not love only for the fear of it being lost and getting hurt is to miss the beauty of it. In the process of loving others, I have found myself. And it was the pain, that gave the clearest reflection.
When Robyn crossed the desert all alone, she broke down and said to rick, ” I’m alone”.
Rick replied, “We all are.”
So, cross your desert and find the ocean.
Note: cover picture courtesy Google.